For the first time in I don’t know how long, I woke up the following day fresh headed, clear minded and with a renewed vigour for life. Deej had sent a taxi to pick me up and drive me to Toxeth Park - the clubs training ground - or ‘The Dragons Layer’ as he liked to call it.

I had discovered that Deej’s team, the Northern Premier Division new boys - the CM Rovers - had been imaginatively nicknamed the Red Dragons by the Scottish wide-boy. His enthusiasm was intoxicating though and I had been bowled over by his plans and ambitions for the club. I knew that if I really put my mind to it, I could make a success of this job and who knows, maybe even win back my family in the process.

I pensively strode through the park gates and it didn’t take long for me to spot my new team. Sandwiched in between the odd dog-walker and children playing, was a huddle of about fifty men, all facing towards the unmistakable figure of Deej.

As I got closer, I could hear him enthusiastically telling them that they were the future, to quote the Scotsmen himself “You are the future of English football, the baton has been passed on to each and everyone of you today. We are the CM Rovers; the Red Dragons and today is the first step on your…” he back-tracked “… Our quest to footballing immortality”.

The players let out a loud roar as Deej continued to whip them into a frenzy. There was a hushed silence as I joined the group and stood beside the new chairman. “… And without further a due, I want each an every one of you Red Dragons to put your hands together for the new boss - you can call him ‘Gaffer’ - boys… give it up for Jonathan Wolstenholme”.

The players whooped an hollered, but I simply smiled, overcome with embarrassment at the rapturous welcome I had received. “Mr. Wolstenholme, the floor is all yours” Deej added. Talk about being thrown in at the deep-end, I’d only met Deej a couple of days ago, but now here he was expecting me to give a rabble rousing speech to a bunch of kids and footballing misfits.

“Errr…” I began, as the players gave me their undivided attention, “Err.. alright boys, my names Jonathan…”. “You call him ‘Gaffer’” Deej interrupted forcefully, “To all of you boys, he isn’t Jonathan, he’s ‘Gaffer’… you continue ‘Gaffer’”, Deej said, winking at me.

“Right then lads, I’m sure Mr McBastard has filled you in on all the details, I like to think I’m firm but fair” I said unconvincingly. Sensing that I was already beginning to lose their interest, I ordered the players to do an entire lap of the perimeter of the park, “Do your best lads” I added as they sprinted off enthusiastically.

‘Do your best lads’?! Deej enquired, clearly unimpressed with my words. “Can I ask you a question Jonathan, are you some kind of b***h?”. “Whaa?” I spluttered, had my new chairman really just called me a b**ch? “No I’m not” I replied. “Well grow a f**king backbone then you pansy, don’t ask the players to do something, tell them in no uncertain terms what you want them to do”.

This was going to be a steep learning curve for me. My first meeting with the new team had clearly left the new chairman with little to be impressed with, but he continued to give me the benefit of the doubt and let me know a few details about my new club.

“First of all, we play at the Pen Island Arena in Newcastle - it’s a beaut of a stadium, just needs a lick of paint and it should be ready for the new season. Second of all, don’t worry about the players wages. They’re all so desperate to dip their toes in the world of football, that they’re practically playing for peanuts. Thirdly, no new signings! I’ve spent a small fortune gathering this squad together for you, I think we’ve got an outside shot of promotion this year, it’s upto you though Mr Wolstenholme to make that happen. Your on a one year rolling contract and you will be paid the minimum wage…”

“But” Deej added, “If you can win promotion this year, there will be a much more favourable offer on the table next Summer. I’ve done my bit Mr. Wolstenholme, the onus is now on you… I’ll see you later” he said, as he walked away, towards the car park.

My new chairman had a habit of leaving me lost for words, but he was right in a number of ways. This was my moment to step up to the plate and show that I had what it takes to be a success in the cut-throat world of football management.

Once the players returned from their run, I ordered them to play two separate eleven-versus-eleven matches and watched on intently; judging each individual on their merits. After just over an hour, I felt like I had seen enough. They weren’t the most talented bunch , but there was the odd spark.

Perhaps it was the ‘old me’ rearing his ugly head again, but as the clock struck five, I had an idea - let’s call it a team bonding exercise - “to the pub boys” I implored.

We didn’t get too carried away with ourselves, but I sensed a gradual rapport building between me and the players. Over the course of the next week I continued to analyse the players as they went hell for leather in each and every one of our daily training session. They were clearly a very determined group, but it was my job to sort out those with real talent from the riff-raff.

Tom Buck (Buckster99) - A young lad, only nineteen. Solid if yet unspectacular in goal. He’s got a lot to learn, but has a really good attitude towards training. I can see me an him getting on well together.

Karl Robinson (karl_robbo) - A sixteen year old boy with plenty of talent. He’s got a really safe pair of hands on him but I’m a little dubious about throwing him into the first team at this stage. He’s one of our part timers, still at sixth form, but someone well worth keeping an eye on for the future.

Gareth Ponting (Ponting) - So far, so good with Mr. Ponting. I haven’t seen him put a foot wrong in training. He has excellent reflexes and is a decent kicker off the ball. Bonus points for being able to hold his lager down at the pub the other night, he could well be my first choice stopper, come the start of the season.

Richard Cranium (solp) - Cranium has an amusing name, that’s about all I can say about him at the moment. He’s still a boy at eighteen, but I’ve already seen him drop a few clangers in training. Can’t imagine him being in first team contention for the foreseeable future.

Joe Shemeld (Shem_Wednesdayite) - A twenty-one year old with bags of potential. A real model professional, who I haven’t seen put a foot wrong yet. He’s a splendid man marker and I would expect him to be pushing hard for a first team place.

Ben Whitton (whitton) - He’s a bit of an enigma, young Whitton. He has all the talent in the world and at the age of just seventeen, should be well on his way to a glittering career. I do have a few reservations about the young students commitment to training though, but I hope he will come up trumps in the end.

Andy Smith (SirSmithy3) - This boy isn’t pretty in his style but he is ruthlessly effective. A colossus in the middle of the park, anything in the air is Smithy territory. I can definitely see him doing a job at lower league level, but his all round game will need to improve dramatically if he is to become anything more than a bit part player.

David Owen (usetheforss) - Gazing around the squad Deej had presented me with, I was beginning to wander whether I was in charge of the local school team. However, I was pleasantly surprised with twenty-eight year old veteran, Owen. Our very own Jamie Carragher, I have already made up my own mind and decided to name him as captain for the forthcoming league campaign.

William Partington-Smith (partsmith) - The shy sixteen year old has already become the butt of many a dressing room prank, but it is his natural footballing ability that has really caught my eye. Despite his relative youth, he has an excellent footballing brain and I can see him becoming an important member of the team.

Phil Wood (Kuji) - I like Phil, he’s my kind of guy and we had a real laugh in the pub the other night. However, he smokes like a chimney - even worse than me and that’s saying something. This has taken it’s toll on his natural fitness and speed, he’s definitely a decent defender, my only worry is that he could be exposed against some of the better attacking players in the division.

Matthew Beale (ruud3867) - To be fifteen and in love again. Part of me thinks that Matt only turned up for training the other day because his dad made him. The other part of me believes that he would have been much happier to have stayed at home with his girlfriend and draw a line under this whole football malarkey. The youngster has his head in the clouds most of the time, nonetheless, he is a promising defender. My only worry is his lack of physical stature - it truly would be a matter of men against boys if I threw him in at this level.

Alex Pitt (S2Alex2) - Alex is a very good passer of the ball, but I can’t really say much for him after that. He’s neither here nor there at the moment, we have better players in his position at the CM Rovers so it will really be a test of his desire and how much he wants a career in football. If he can step up to the mark, I will be delighted… but, I’m not holding my breath.

Liam Salt (Salty180) - No glaring weaknesses, but no major strengths either. I do think Salty will do well in this team though, he gets on well with most of the boys in the dressing room and will be a very competent back up player on the right side of the back four.

Matthew Woodhouse (mwoodhouse1978) - I’ve been really impressed with twenty-two year old Matt. He’s shown experience beyond his years and is a real box-to-box right back. I like my teams to play attacking football and he exemplifies this in just about every facet of his play; he’s a great crosser and dribbler of the ball, but he doesn’t let it get in the way of his defensive duties. I can already see him being a contender as the managers pet. This youngster has bags of potential and I’m really excited at the chance to get to work with him.

Ed Jackson (supereddi) - Most of the guys (myself included) haven’t got over the novelty value of making fun of Ed’s accent yet. But once we do, I think we will find a fairly accomplished, strong defender. I’ve said this to him already, but he looks like being a non-league version of his countryman, Ryan Nelsen.

Phillip Lee Macey (MaceyP) - One of the fastest players on the pitch during sprint practice. I think Deej has been really kind to me with the full backs he has selected. Macey is a real lads’ lad, fun loving yet all business on the pitch. At this moment in time, he is my first choice left back, but I am slightly worried that his defensive abilities could be found wanting at crucial times.

Victor Ivanov (fpupesh) - Another slightly abstract choice from the chairman. Ivanov is a modestly talented Bulgarian who has struggled to fit in with the rest of the boys. The twenty-two year old left full back has all the makings of a decent player, but seems more interested in reading his books and working on his masters degree, than spending anytime bonding with the rest of the lads.

James Reynoldson (stingrey) - Reynoldson is a fresh faced sixteen year old, but he has looked out of his depth in training. He seems to be easily bullied off the ball and I can’t see him getting anywhere near the first team until he ups his game dramatically.

The Bull (The Bull) - Honestly, where does Deej find them? I’ve got a heavily tattooed eighteen year old right sided defender, known simply as ‘The Bull’. He likes his heavy metal music and unsuccessfully tries to take control of the music played in the dressing room, but I really can’t see a place for him in the team at the moment. I’d never say never, but I think The Bull would be best suited to a short term loan at this present time.

Phillip Valentine (Valentius) - I really like Phil, mainly because he can play in just about any position; left or right, defence or attack and do a solid job. He plays the saxophone in a jazz band by night and on a couple of occasions I have seen him turn up for training looking a little worse for wear. He’s undoubtedly talented, but with his current level of commitment, I can’t see him becoming a regular first team player.

Antonie E. Mooiweer (AEM-HERACLES) - The boys are absolutely convinced that the ageing full back is a member of Dutch royalty. Antonie speaks brilliant English but he’s not got a long term future with the CM Rovers. This is a youthful revolution and at the age of thirty-one, I can’t see Mooiweer having a particularly long career with us. However, this will give him more time to dedicate to his burgeoning career as a clog seller in downtown Amsterdam.

Chris West (westy1983) - I recall that Deej said he plucked old Westy from some Sunday league put team and unfortunately for him, it shows. Your more likely to see him down the Golden Ark than in the gym at the moment and that’s sad because Chris is a good lad, but unfortunately, he’s just not up to it at this level. I can’t see him getting many games this season.

Pablo Silva (Arsene87) - Adding a bit of South American flair to our defensive line-up is sixteen year old Argentine, Pablo Silva. I can’t help but like the teenager; he’s one of the first one’s to arrive at Toxeth Park in the morning and one of the last to leave at night. He’s only a slight lad though and I think he may struggle with the rough and tumble of non-league football in England. I fully expect him to be challenging Matt Woodhouse for the right back berth in the future though. A very exciting prospect.

Jonathan Stanley (MerseysideRed1) - One half of our Singaporean contingent, to my mind, the more accomplished of the two. Stanley is a bit of a jack of all trades, he can play just about all roles in the middle of the park and is also a decent forward. I’ve heard a few rumours that the Singaporean manager, Radojko Avramovic has been sniffing around this boy and he could well be in line for a call-up in the future.

Jamie Reynolds (TacticalGenius) - A brilliant player, my ony slight reservation about Jamie, is that he knows he’s good and is a bit of a big head. He speaks his mind, which I like, but this has ruffled a few feathers amongst some of the older players. He’s a talent, that much is undeniable. A deep-lying midfielder in the Xabi Alonso mould, if he can keep his attitude in check, he has the potential to go on to great things. If not, there could well be a rocky road ahead.

Fiz Frederiksen (H@f!z28) - What sixteen year old Fiz may lack in the banter department, he more than makes up for in his footballing ability. After a week of observing the team, it looks like being a straight shoot-out between him and Reynolds for one of the two central midfield positions. He has a great engine on him and is a wonderful passer of the ball. I can see him working his way in to the Singaporean national picture in the near future.

Adrian Sowden (topofthekop) - A Welshman from the valleys, Sowden is a technically astute defensive midfielder. From what I have seen, he has a great ability to stifle the attacking play and make those crucial interventions. Competitions for places is tough in this position, but I can see Adrian being a real big game player. Our own - slightly taller - Welsh, Claude Makelele.

Dobinho (Dobsono) - Bringing a little Brazilian flair to the Northern Premier Division, sixteen year old Dobinho (aka. Christian Dobson) has shown a lot of promise. A bit of a big-mouth around the training ground, he seems to have wormed his way into favour with the likes of Reynolds and Sefton and looks set for a very promising career with the CM Rovers. He’s a great dribbler and passer of the ball, but seems to struggle when he’s put under pressure by some of our less tactically astute defenders.

Luke Sefton (Seftinho) - Sixteen years young, yet one of, if not the most talented players in the team. He can play anywhere across the midfield and I am more than confident that he is ready for first team action. Sefton is a deep thinker and tends to shy away from the post-training festivities in the pub - something I admire him for. He seems to have his head screwed on and if he can keep his current momentum going, he has all the ability to become a driving force in our quest for success.

Andrew Potter (Maddogg619) - Talk about god given talent and Andrew Potter is one of the first names that springs to mind. The twenty-two year old is a great all round midfielder who can also operate on the right flank, but I just can’t warm to this guy. He is a little elusive and prefers to hole himself away rather than mix with the rest of the team. Whilst his attitude is very much in question, his talent isn’t. If he is willing to come out of his shell and give football his full attention, he could yet be a major player on this team.

Joe Clewley (joehammer76) - What can you say about Joe? - By day, he works as a rocket scientist for NASA, by night he provides back up for Dan Robinson on the right hand side of the CM Rovers’ midfield. He’s an intelligent player; able to pick out the right pass, but at times he struggles to execute it. However, he’s a brilliant little trump card to play, most definitely someone who can come off the bench and set up the crucial, game winning goal.

Adam John (adamjohn) - Nothing out of the ordinary, unless you count the fact that he is a brain surgeon at Great Ormond Street! John is the latest in a long line of players who can play anywhere across the middle in the CM Rovers midfield. However, it is his attention to detail that sets him apart from the rest of the team; he can thread a pass through the eye of a needle and this will be invaluable when it comes to playing those game breaking passes through to the forwards.

Dan Robinson (ChampAddict09) - I wont lie, I don’t like this guy. He’s cocky, brash and totally full of himself. But like most players of this ilk, he can back it up with performances on the pitch. Still only fifteen (a frightening prospect for defenders), Robinson has all the necessary talent to become one of the finest footballers in the land. And I don’t just mean the English lower leagues, this kid could become a global phenomenon. He’s two footed, a great crosser of the ball and has an eye for the spectacular. I may not be the most qualified to judge, but I think Dan Robinson has a big future ahead of him.

Thomas Mush (Mushroom12) - We played a supposedly ‘behind closed doors’ match against Manchester United reserves a couple of days ago. As you would expect, we were resoundingly beaten. However, it wasn’t all bad news, this little left footed midfield gem earned a standing ovation from the tens of assembled United fans as he left the field. This boy has a wicked left foot and an even better appetite for the game. I don’t believe I’m over stating it when I say he could very well be the next Ryan Giggs and the long terms solution to England’s left side problem - I can pay the boy know higher complement.

Paul Williams (harmoniesdaddy) - Paul is a top, top guy, but at the age of twenty-nine, his ageing legs don’t have many miles left in the tank. I can see him being an excellent impact substitute at this level, but can’t figure how he will work his way into the my long term plans for the club. However, I love to be proved wrong and if anyone can do this, it’s Paul.

Chris Morgan (chris777) - I think that for any other Northern Premier League team, Chris would be the first choice left sided midfielder. Unfortunately for the nineteen year old, he is up against Tom Mush and despite his blistering pace, he has little real substance when it comes footballing ability. Still, I would like to see Chris remain at the club for a while, I think that with the right coaching, we could yet turn him into a decent footballer.

Jamie Luck (jamieluck51) - A twenty two year old of undeniable talent. Another utility player, who can play anywhere across the middle. Unfortunately, whilst he may be a jack of all trades, he is a master of none. He hasn’t impressed me with his attitude, nor is he - in my eyes - anything special, I will more than likely be looking to send him out on loan to gain some first team experience.

Dean Holcroft (deanholcroft) - I may have been a bit of a shrinking violet in the past, but something about Dean just wrangles with me. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a very good player, it’s just with his leanings towards the attacking midfield/forward department - I can’t see how he will fit into the system I will choose to employ. Still, he looks to have bright future as head milkman at his dairy in Wigan.

Scott Henderson (Scott1982) - A really talented young lad, but at the age of just fifteen, he is nowhere near strong enough for the rigours of first team football. However, he has a really cultured right foot and his ability to play either on the left wing or as a centre forward could become invaluable in the future.

Rob Erskine (roberskine85) - Poor Rob, he sells the Big Issue on the corner entrance of Sheffield city centre, but even there, he struggles. He aint a bad player and at least for the few minutes he spends in the training room prior to training, he is warm. He’s a two footed winger, average in both positions but not really good enough in either. For the life of me, I can’t see him getting a game this season, but for as long as he wants somewhere warm to stay, he’s always welcome in the CM Rovers clubhouse.

Lee Wildig (Taxman1982) - A seventeen year old forward, perhaps the next big thing to come out of Scotland - hey, if it can happen to James McFadden, it can happen to anyone - my exact words to Wildig. Despite a decent turn of pace and finishing ability, I just don’t think the youngster will be able to cut it in the English leagues. As with other players, I am open to be proved wrong and hope Wildig can become an established figure at the Pen Island Arena.

Phil Broadbent (Westhamfan1) - Nineteen year old striker, Broadbent, has struggled in comparison to some of his team mates. He’s a student teacher at the local comprehensive school and to be honest, I think he would be better served sticking to the day job.

Michael Hutchings (hitman1531) - Only twenty years old and competing in a very competitive area of the CM Rovers squad, PE teacher, Michael Hutchings is already a big hit with the rest of the squad after buying the first round during our inaugural get together. I know the manager should probably buy the first round - but as you know, I’m skint - still, young Mike had no hesitation in coughing up £80 for the first round and may well - with that gesture, alone - have done enough to earn himself a new contract.

Russell Clarke (Ruvio) - Absolutely deadly in front of goal, a real fox in the box. Clarke is a modern day Steve Claridge. What he lacks in pace, he more than makes up for with his ruthlessness in front of goal. I’ve only seen the guy for a week, but I’m already inclined to include him as one of the first names on my team sheet.

Juan Rodriques Filipez (jdp) - Another one of Deej’s imports, I must say the chairman has been very good with his choices so far, but I fear that this nineteen year old Spaniard is a lost cause. His attitude is terrible, he only turned up for two out of the five training sessions we held this week, complaining of a headache for the rest of them.

Dean Gilbert (Big_Mick00) - Having seen the languid twenty-two year old in training, I feel that Gilbert will struggle to become anything more than a squad player for the CM Rovers. He’s a game bloke though, up for a laugh and always one of the last guys to leave the boozer. I think we will become firm friends, whether he can stay the course at an up an coming football team, however, remains to be seen.

Benjamin Nyberg (ReLeNtLeSS) - An eighteen year old from Norway, Nyborg would probably be a prized asset for most Northern Premier Division teams. But with the quality attackers we have at our disposal at the moment, his talents would be best served with a season long loan to another club.

Lucas Volman (RomanistaPerSempre) - Now, far be it from me to level any child trafficking claims at Deej, but a fourteen year old Luxembourger child finding his way to the CM Rovers, really? Still, what a talent! If I could have a team made purely of Lucas Volman’s, I would be very happy. He simply doesn’t stop running, has that youthful enthusiasm, combine that with his deadly finishing ability and you can begin to see why he is already being coveted by some of England’s top clubs.