“Look, I’m sorry mate, you know I’d never let you down on purpose” I pleaded. “I just had a lot of things on my mind at the time, but one thing is for sure, I want you to be a part of this, come on Tom, what do you say, mate?”. “Sonia says you’re a waster and I shouldn’t have anything to do with you…”

I pressed my hand firmly against my forehead and strained to contain my irritation, “What else are you going to do Tom? Your hardly the brains of Britain, are you? Your nearly sixteen now, nearly a man, your not going to take orders from your big sis’ for the rest of your life, are you?”

The phone-line fell silent; Sonia had always been like a second mother to Tom, ever since his own Mum had died when he was only four years old and I knew he valued her opinion more than any other. “Tom?” I shouted, “Tom, are you there?”. After a few seconds, I got my response “Look Jonathan, I don’t know what crazy scheme you’ve got yourself mixed up in now, but your not dragging my little brother down with you, he’s going to make something of his life. Now, LEAVE US ALONE!!” Sonia shrieked.

And with that, the phone went dead. ‘Fine’ I thought, let your little brother miss out on the chance of a lifetime.

Perturbed, yet more determined than ever, I began making plans for our penultimate pre-season game. However, as the days counted down to our mid-week fixture against Dover and the grand opening of the Pen Island Arena, I was surprised to receive a phone call from the chairman.

“Jonathan, man. It’s Deej. I’m delighted to inform you that we now have a shirt sponsor, the stationary company ‘Biro’ will have their names adorning our shirts this year. The only slight problem is that there has been a minor mistake at the printers. Some moron has spelt the companies name wrong and therefore, the sponsors name will now appear as ‘Giro’. I know it’s not ideal, but we’re going to have to stick with it for the time being”.

Aargh, the team isn’t even a month old and we are already opening ourselves up to ridicule. I sent my ‘Giro Boys’ (or something more imaginative), as I am sure they will come to be known, out onto the streets of Newcastle to try and drum up some public interest in our next fixture. But with us being an unknown franchise in a predominantly Newcastle United orientated area, I wasn’t holding out much hope…

As Deej said, this is a very tidy little non-league ground, but the turn-out for our game against Conference South side Dover was more than a little embarrassing. As a new team, in a new league, with no history and no pedigree; I should have expected as much. But for just one sole misguided dog-walker to turn up, well, it doesn’t bode well for our long term popularity.

Reynolds, Ponting, Volman and Smith came into the team in place of Stanley, Buck, Nyborg and Shemeld, as I continued to try and strike the right balance.

Eager two impress the on looking dog-walker, we made the early running. Thomas Mush practically ran the show for the opening fifteen minutes and he was unlucky that his through ball to Volman was thwarted by the Dover ‘keeper.

The game went on with us clearly having the better of the play. Reynolds and Sefton were dominant in the middle of the park and it took a moment of inspiration from the big-headed Englishman to force the opener. Reynolds glided through the Dover defence with ease and just as he was about to pull the trigger, he was felled in the box. The referee had no hesitation in pointing to the spot and Reynolds nonchalantly dinked the ball down the middle of the goal, to make the score 1-0 - right on the stoke of half time.

No changes at half time, but almost immediately after the restart, Ponting was forced to pull off a double save. The Welshman’s reflexes were tested. but he rose to the challenge with great aplomb.

With just twelve minutes remaining, Mush stormed out on the breakaway and weaved his way through the Dover backline, with the goal gaping, he unselfishly squared the ball to Dan Robinson, who completed the simplest of tasks, to sweep the ball home and make the score 2-0.

What a way to open the new stadium! I just wish there had been a few more people here to witness it. But, ‘Roy’ and his dog ‘Molly’ told me that he had thoroughly enjoyed the occasion and the performance, so hopefully, we should have at least have won over one support there.

The team now seems to be ticking over very nicely. However, despite my best attempts at apologising, neither Sonia or Tom will return my calls, so I am still sleeping in the pavilion for now.

Deej has again phoned to inform me that our final warm up match will be at home to non-league Chipstead. After two wins against supposedly superior opposition, I am full of confidence for this fixture. I don’t know whether it’s my coaching or the players natural ability, but everything seems to be coming together at exactly the right time.

“Right then, my lad” Deej said, as he strolled onto the training pitch on Monday morning. I had grown weary of the chairman’s mystique, but even I have to admit that the fact he was flanked by four burly men, was a slight cause for concern.

“These boys, Jonathan” he said, “Are your new coaching staff, let me introduce them”. I felt helpless to object, so let Deej continue “Your new first team coach, Mr. Roy Meredith”. Roy stood forward and shook my hand, “Your new eyes and ears; always on the pulse of the footballing world, Mr Derek McAvoy and Mr Chris Jones”. “Pleased to meet you boys” I replied sheepishly “… and finally, physiotherapist extraordinaire - Mr. Cappo Smiffy”.

I didn’t know what to do with myself, all I knew was that Deej had thrust a coaching staff upon me, most of which I had never met before - just ninety minutes before our final friendly game of the season.

So, with a bunch of strangers sat in the dugout behind me, I sent out the same team that had done so well against Dover. No room for the unlucky duo of Stanley and Buck, but I was hoping that the current team could produce a performance that would leave me in no doubts as to who to pick for the first game of the season.

Dressed in the same unwashed Asda suit which I had started pre-season with, I prowled the touchline with menace, as the game got underway.

With nothing to lose, Chipstead were going for the jugular and proceeded to ply wave after wave of attack at our goal during the first half. However, it was us who were looking the more dangerous during our rare forays up field and this paid dividends in the twenty-second minute.

An innocuous looking corner was fired in by Russell Clarke, havoc ensued in the Chipstead area and Volman was the beneficiary. The Luxmbourger was first to react in the box and stabbed the ball home from the edge of the six yard area to make the score 1-0.

Half-time came and went with the non-leaguers providing stoic resistance. Despite only having one or two attempts on goal, their rear-guard held firm. However, with sixty-five minutes on the clock , Reynolds made a mazy run through the heart of the Chipstead defence, with players backing off to his right and left, he feigned to shoot, before playing a delicate ball to Clarke, who slotted the ball under the on-rushing ‘keeper to make the score 2-0.

Mush had two more guilt-edge chances before the game was out, but failed to make this visitors pay.

Deej really has dealt me a brilliant hand here. The players seem to have the quality and determination to make it through the Northern Premier Division; pre-season has been a great success, but with all the changes behind the scenes, I hope the newly founded CM Rovers can make an impact on this division.

C‘mon you Red Dragons!!