It’s funny how life has a habit of springing surprises on you. A month ago, I was a dead-beat no hoper, but as I walked through the streets of suburban Newcastle on Friday morning, reflecting on how dramatically my life had changed, I felt a twinge of pride as I began to regain a semblance of self respect.

For I was no longer that pitiful waste of space, I now had a purpose to my existence and tomorrow was my day of reckoning - the first day of the new football season. However, my past shortcomings and indiscretions still hung over me like a dark cloud; professionally, I couldn’t have been more content; but personally, I was in turmoil.

Sonia and Dylan had disowned me but I’d like to think that deep down, I’m a good person who will always try to do the best by his family. And that was the main reason I was out and about so early on this blustery Friday morning. I was heading over to my in-laws house to speak to my brother-in-law, Tom and make him an offer, that hopefully he wouldn‘t refuse.

Still, I knew his parents Martha and Gerard wouldn’t be too happy to see me, so I had donned the same dapper Asda suit I had been wearing for the past three weeks to try and make a good impression. Me and Gerard had never seen eye to eye; an ex army General, Gerard had always held me in contempt and viewed me as the person responsible for making his darling daughter, Sonia’s life a misery.

However, I wanted to show them that I had changed and as I made my way up their driveway and cautiously knocked on the door, I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of the window. As I carefully adjusted my tie, I was interrupted by the door swinging open. “What do you want Jonathan? Have you any idea what time it is?”

There stood Martha, a hefty woman by anyone’s standards, dressed only in a skimpy negligee. I grimaced, not knowing where to look, “Umm, is Tom in, I need to have a quick word” I said, trying to shield my eyes, but it was know use, the image had already been burned into my mind. “Hang on a minute” she said, “I’ll just go and get him”. With that, the most untimely gust of wind swept in, blowing Martha’s night gown up and exposing me to the full horrors of her naked body.

“Woops” she chirped, bashfully “Tooommm! Get down here, you’ve got a visitor” Martha whaled up the stairs. I stood on the doorstep with my hands in my trouser pockets and waited as Tom dutifully bounded down the stairs. “What do you want?” he said abruptly, as his cheerful expression turned to a frown.

“Y’alright mate” I replied, ruffling his hair. “I’ll tell you what I want, I want to make your dreams come true”. I had let Tom down so many times before that it was no surprise when he told me he wasn‘t interested in hearing what I had to say. “Wait Tom” I shouted “Wait… this one is a hundred percent kosher. I’m a football manager mate and I want you to be my number two”. Tom’s expression softened and I could tell that he was intrigued, so I bent down on one knee, meeting his gaze and continued “We’ve talked about this so many times before, me and you - old Tom and Jon - working together and tearing the footballing world apart, what do you say mate?”

Tom shifted uncomfortably “I don’t know Jon, I’m not sure Dad will let me and anyway, I‘ve got school”. “Forget school” I said excitedly, becoming more animated, “Join me at the CM Rovers and live my… our dream, come on mate…”. A huge smile enveloped Tom’s face, I knew that I had talked him round, but just as I sensed he was about to accept, Gerard barged through the door.

“What do you want, Jonathan?! I thought Sonia had told you not to call round here anymore”. “I want Tom to be my new assistant manager at the CM Rovers” I replied. A constant thorn in my side, Gerard had always poured scorn on my past attempts to make something of my life. “Not my son, not in this life time” he said nonchalantly.

“Tom, you get ready for school…” he barked “… and you, you no good waste of space, get off my property and stop filling my sons head with nonsense. You’re a loser Jonathan and you always will be”. Gerard marched out of his front door and proceeded to bundle me down his driveway.

I stared helplessly at Tom, as I was overpowered by his brute of a father, he threw me onto the pavement outside of his house, but with one last throw of the dice I shouted back at Tom, “Look in the papers tomorrow Tom, check the non-league section and you will see that the CM Rovers are very much for real. The doors always open for you mate… you’re my number two” I said giving a half hearted thumbs up.

I dusted myself off and tried to regain my poise, but Gerard’s forceful dismissal of my suggestion had causes my suit to rip. ‘Great’ I thought - what a brilliant start to the day - humiliated and now looking like a two-bob version of Worzel Gummidge.

Nonetheless, I tried to look on the positive side and after tidying myself up and taking my suit to the dry-cleaners, I decided to get an early night. With nightfall yet to descend and the park still full of people, I nestled down on the bench outside of the pavilion, hotly anticipating what the following day promised.

For now, Tom may not be a CM Rover, but if the team can deliver tomorrow, both he and his father may yet have a change of mind.